Of Bryan Adams, dolphins, fishes and sold out concerts…

A fellow by the name of Dewa Mavhinga (no Tongai Moyo) is hoping the Bryan Adams show is cancelled,
as he puts it,
“We must avoid at all costs the impression that all is now fine in Zimbabwe and it is business as usual,”

our dear fellow does not share what else he, as a big honcho at Human Rights Watch, insists we should not enjoy, lest we give the impression that “all is now fine in Zimbabwe and it is business as usual”,

so now i’m standing here with a freshly opened castle lite in my hand and I don’t know whether taking a sip constitutes enjoyment and a hedonistic activity which would imply that “all is now fine in Zimbabwe and it is business as usual”,


i havent chopped up the garlic for this stir-fry yet, garlic is extremely un-African, it was brought here by westerners! *shock horror shock*
so now i’m thinking, should I restrict my meals to sadza and covo, because whipping up anything fancy, and lord forbid, adding meat and foreign condiments and such, would be an unforgivable pleasure, because that would imply that “all is now fine in Zimbabwe and it is business as usual”,

my beer warmeth,

and now uMalume Jacob Gedleyehlekisa “Mr Fire Pool” aka “The Original Mr I-fux-and-showers” Zuma is feeling some kinda way,
young Zahara has been accumulating her retirement fund … oops, I meant performing in Zimbabwe … frequently of late,
no complaints from Human Rights Watch and so on and so forth and NGOs like that,
Zahara is a big fuckin star and our singing & dancing Uncle Msholozi is touched that Zahara is not regarded on the same level as Bryan Adams but merely as some national singer in Malawi,

MLK did not die for this, let the girl child breathe,

so now when Bryan flippin Adams plays at the concert, which he most certainly will, seeing as noone else in Dewa Mavhinga’s office is backing his boycott call (no Morgan), and all the other NGOs are rather silent – because all the white people in Zimbabwe are going to the concert – oops, jokes! kidding! no joke,
erm, where was I?
yeah, so when Mr Adams plays “Summer Of 69” and all the 3498 white people in the audience are waving their arms around and throwing their straight hair around and around and the 2 black people there are making jerky movements tryna act cool n shit, like aint nothing awkward, should Dewa Mavhinga not be thankful that the most persecuted folk in this country,
the good, law-abiding white folk, burdened as they are by generational wealth, 0% unemployment, high salaries and loss of inherited land and whatnot,
thankful that they get a little respite and get to let loose, you know? eh, Dewa?
will that little act of benevolence also imply that “all is now fine in Zimbabwe and it is business as usual”?


know what i think,
you know how the dolphins knew all along that the earth was going to be destroyed to clear way for the construction of an inter-galactic highway, and they did backflips and and cute Flipper noises to try and tell us and we thought they were just being cute and we clapped and ooohed and aaahed, and when the time came they all leapt out of the water and left the earth singing “so long, so long, and thanks for all the fish!”
well, this is kinda like that, (the dolphins left after the Japs have finished murdering them)
all the white folk are tired of all the crap and they shall gather at the HICC and Bryan Adams shall sing an encore and they shall leave Earth strapped into their seats and go to Perth singing “so long, so long, and thanks for all the fuckin sunshine, everything we did, we did it for shits and giggles”,
and Dewa Mavhinga will run to the HICC weeping and moaning and find eerybody gone except the 2 affs scratching their heads wondering ‘what the fuck..’, and Dewa will stand alone in the empty auditorium screaming his head off telling the walls, ‘see what happens, see what happens when we let international artists come in and give the impression that “all is now fine in Zimbabwe and it is business as usual”, now who the fuck is gonna pay my fuckin salary?
Oh woe is me…’

i think imma drink this castle lite anyhow..


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